The Friday Not-So-Happy Hour

Posted by ryan at 05:02 PM in humor . | 1 Comments

The business happy hour on a Friday is one of the worst creations of all time. Happy hour any other day of the week is OK, since it is a plausible excuse to get drunk during the week and have no worries about it. Happy hour during the week is typically on a whim, guaranteeing that only the drunkest of drunks will be able to attend. Happy hour on Friday is a totally different fucking animal.

The truth is co-workers or not, I am getting blitzkrieged at 5:30 on Friday afternoons. I am like Fred Fucking Flintstone sliding down that Brontosaurus heading out of the office. Friday at 5:30 is great, because it is the longest time you have at any point in time before it’s Monday again. Scheduling happy hour on Friday is the equivalent of scheduling a mandatory budget meeting for the same time, just with booze. I already spend roughly 50 hours a week with these fucking bozos, so why do I need to subject myself to 5 more hours of shit with them?

When that happy hour email goes out to the whole office, it means that people that typically do not go out much will be attending. This means Judy in HR, who has her fucking desk covered in photos of her six kids and their stick-figure drawings that only a retard could decipher, has ample time to call a babysitter for the night and go tie one on. This is the same woman who, when I ask how many vacation days I have left, can only tell me after recapping the previous night's hilarious hijinks with her kids while I am forced to stare at the gay-ass Ziggy puffy sticker on the top of her long boob.

Fuck you, Judy. Chances are you like watching double penetration porn about as much as I like your kids, so how about we don’t share last night’s highlights.