Karen's Extra Special Review

Posted by karen at 11:44 AM in entertainment . | 6 Comments

I've seen Revenge of the Sith twice now. Once with my family and once with my friends. Here is my review (such as it is).

I am somewhat hesitant to write this review, because I really enjoyed Revenge of the Sith. You see, I have a history of superfandom (though not about Star Wars) which makes me self-conscious about pontificating on pop culture I enjoy. But what is the internet for, if not self-aware pontification?

Now, just because I enjoyed the movie doesn't mean I didn't have problems with it. Of course there were plot holes, but whenever I start to think too hard about it, I hear Obi-Wan Kenobi say "That is not the plot hole you are looking for." Oh, and I have to give props to George Lucas. Only a true genius could manage to destroy the credibility of the phrase, "I love you." After watching Padme and Anakin spit that at each other a few times, I have the urge to snicker a bit whenever I say it. Seriously, their scenes together most closely resemble a subpar plot from Undressed. But at least in Revenge of the Sith, none of the plot is established through acting or character development. The fumbling foreplay of the story is over and now we can get to the action.

And while I love action films of all kinds, science fiction and kung fu are particular favorites. So I love seeing kung fu influences in my sci-fi, no doubt. But, you know what? I love kung fu movies, not videogames. If you want Obi-Wan to do a flip (and I do), hook that motherfucker up to some wires and flip him around. Don't give me that digital Obi-Wan. He sucks. He's slightly smaller, he lacks texture, and worst of all, you are shoving the CG up my nose. Oh, and going between a live and a digital actor creates a continuity break. I'm pretty sure that when you're directing a movie, you should go to an effort to avoid continuity breaks, but I've never made a movie.

Although if I were to make a Star Wars movie, it would probably consist of two or three hours of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Fighting with a light saber, riding a giant iguana, making witty banter, scolding Darth Vader. Oh, how I love Obi-Wan Kenobi. To me, the largest sin of Episode II was that the stink of the putrid romance in that movie stripped some of my love for Obi-Wan. But Episode III has given me that delicious specimen of a Jedi back again.

And I discovered that while I will probably always hate Anakin Skywalker (Although my feelings softened a bit when he walked around with no shirt and a robotic arm. At least I think that was my feelings. Ahem.), I have the hots for Darth Vader. Oh me oh my, that Darth Vader sure does have a pretty mouth. And if I just look at that while he's talking, I don't have to listen to the words that are coming out.

Wow, did I just objectify Darth Vader? Hell yeah, I did and I'm not sorry. Because there were all kinds of, um, shall we say, "tension" in Revenge of the Sith. And none of it had to do with Natalie Portman, if you get my drift. There sure is a lot to enjoy in the scene where Anakin kneels down trembling, offering his submission to the Dark Lord of the Sith, and becomes Darth Vader. Beyond my first impression, that scene gives weight to the scenes in the original trilogy when Luke denies the Dark Side. Because in those movies, no one ever goes to the Dark Side. So what's the big deal anyway, if nobody ever does it? And until I saw that scene, I never realized that there was a part of me that really wanted Luke to go to the Dark Side.

Because when Anakin went to the Dark Side it was great. He was a killing machine in a black robe. Scarred face with deadly eyes. Ahhh yeah. It turned me on. But not as much as when Obi-Wan Kenobi showed up to put him in his place. Their battle was excellent. Full of that lovely tension. It played up classic rivalry between teacher and student, father and son; and set the scene for rivalry to become enmity. They dueled with their light sabers, they used the force, they panted, they sweat, they flung each other across the room until they were fighting on a spire that was about to go over a waterfall of lava. If that's not hot, nothing is.